Final Exam: Details

Take the Exam today! (wednesday) Its your last chance!

Final Exam
-somewhat Comprehensive
--But... Only objective! No Essay!
-80% new material (since midterm 2)
-20% old material (beginning to midterm 2)
--Mostly application type questions
-worth 250 points

Exam dates: Dec 16th, and 18-20.
- The American Heritage final exam will be in the testing center the first four days of finals ONLY. Saturday the 16th, and Monday Dec 18th to Wednesday 20th.

Good luck everyone. Remember Karma. I take my notes on my laptop and do a blog- easy. Maybe in the future you'll publish your notes on the web and it helps me.

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.

Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer.

Since he was so busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.

During this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and the lecturer standing in the front of the room, barking out how much time was left before the tests had to be handed in, didn't help him at all.

He figured he wanted to assure himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the professor said, "Pencils down and submit your scantron sheets and work to piles at the front of the room".

Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into fourty, and almost an hour after the test was 'officially over', our friend finally put down his pencil, gathered up his work, and headed to the front of the hall to submit his final. The whole time, the professor had been sitting at the front of the room, strangely waiting for the student to complete his exam.

"What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as the student stood in front of him about to put down his exam on one of the neatly stacked piles of exams. It was clear that the professor had waited only to give the student a hard time.

"Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the profesor gloated, "Your exam is an hour late. You've failed it and, consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat my course."

The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you know who I am?"

"What?" replied the professor grufly, annoyed that the student showed no sign of emotion.

The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you know what my name is?"

"No", snarled the professor.

The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said slowly, "I didn't think so." He lifted up one of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his test in the middle, turned around, and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.

Worst analogies used in a high school essay

# "They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

# "John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

# "He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."